Where the f*ck did that year go.

As New Years Eve approached, so did the overwhelming anxiety that I had achieved absolutely nothing in the 365 days the God’s had given me and as I felt the water rise just enough to tickle the nose hairs I apparently have, I knew I had to try and regain control. In order to prevent full on drowning in obtrusive thoughts, I forced myself to make a list. This list consisted of everything that had happened to me in the past year and this is what I came up with:

Keep in mind this is not in chronological order, half through laziness and half through total inability to mentally place them on the timeline of ‘blink’.

My 2023:

• I recovered from having my tonsils brutally ripped from my throat. Well, that’s how it felt anyway.

• Thailand (two weeks “travelling”)

  Travelling in quotation following the trip being more ‘rooftop pools’ than ‘rough and ready’

• I was offered and accepted a new job…twice.

• I met my now and (fingers and toes crossed) forever boyfriend.

• I officially decided to cut down work hours, although this doesn’t kick in until Feb 2024.

• I lost my travel buddy to a wonderful man’s engagement proposal.

• My dad built a house.

• I fell in love with France.

• We bought a puppy.

• I organised and experienced my first ‘best friends holiday’.

• I overworked and drove my body into a state of dehydration and starvation - something I was simultaneously reprimanded for and complimented on due to the excessive weight loss that followed.

• I ensured I dated my Mum and Granny at least once a month despite this often being challenged by my relatively hectic work schedule.

• I FINALLY completed the seven sisters cliff walk (the 22.5km hike from Seaford to Eastbourne) despite having previously lived there on and off for three years.

• I took my brother as a wedding date…and loved it.

• I lost my sanity for a little while, and regained it shortly after.

• I grew distant from some.

• I grew closer to others.

  And finally,

• I went to my first ever New Years Eve party and entered 2024 surrounded by some of the most genuine people I could ever have the privilege of knowing.

Ultimately, that is quite the list and although the year may not have been packed with the extravagant travels the year prior had been, it has probably resulted in the most self-growth. I personally feel we live in a time where it is easy to find ourselves constantly feeling as if we have not done ‘enough’, whether that be regarding work, or exercise, or keeping up with the latest trends, be it fashion or attending the most recently bragged-about-on-tik-tok eateries/restaurants, it can become easy to dismiss the great feelings that come about in the simplicity of the day to day. I found myself looking back at 2023 as if all I had done is exert one little blink and miss it, when in reality, it turned out to be a pretty big and beautiful blink.

In conclusion, if you do turn out to be anything like me and find yourself often lost in combat with your obsession to ‘keep up’ with whatever it is we’re keeping up with, maybe try making a list? And even if that list seems pretty compressed, remember it’s what you get from it that matters and the changes you make in the year to follow (if any), that matter more.

Aaaand breathe. I feel lighter already. Well metaphorically speaking, it is Christmas after all.

Rubes x

PS: Thank you for reading :)